So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
