I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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