I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
