this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
