please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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