i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
