I will die if light touches me.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
