Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you inspire me to be a worse person
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
