we're blogging at a bar
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
