something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
