It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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