All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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