pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
