but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
