Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
