i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
