Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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