I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
