I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
