ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
