remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
