my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
