He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
