pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
