is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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