I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
