Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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