mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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