i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
