She said her name was "party"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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