if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How's work?
Spinning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
