lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
