A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
