you have to choose: penises or morals?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Less talking, more tequila
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
