then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
