YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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