What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
