What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
