I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
