Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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