Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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