my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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