I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
