hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
