we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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