Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
