i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
