My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
