Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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