I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
