I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
