TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
