So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
