I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
