I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
